Last night my girl B and I hit the town in search of some fresh meat. We wandered into a bar full of surprise surprise, UMPIRES!!!! Now I know you are thinking, umpires? Really? Aren’t they all old and fat? That is exactly what I said to them, BUT turns out they are all umpires in training!!!! Young and fresh meat…..
B set her sights on this delicious Canadian. I unfortunately had my sights on no one. They were all adorable but none made me want to steal for home… BUT that doesn’t mean I didn’t have my share of flirting and teasing.
Turns out the umpires were all in town for a month of training. They were all holed up in a hotel down the road from the bar and invited us back to their “open bar” that never closes.
The “open bar” that never closes actually was one of their hotel rooms. They all had suites and turned one of the living rooms into a bar/fun area for them all to gather and relax.
So B and I went. B really wanted to make out with her Canadian and who was I to deny her a moment of fun! I start flirting with a guy from Fort Lauderdale.
All the “cool” umpires, B and I are hanging out in the “open bar”. They decided to pull out a make shift pole because B lets it be known that I have a structural pole in my living room and know how to play very well on it… Their pole is basically a shower rod attached to a plunger! There was no way I was going to a swing around that pole…
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. It was actually amusing to see these guys pretend to do “tricks”!
Suddenly I notice that Fort Lauderdale has disappeared and I go in search for him. B, Canadian and another guy we’ll call Creep follow suit. Turns out Creep is actually rooming with Fort Lauderdale and we go to their room. There is Fort Lauderdale, in bed talking on the phone! I had the temptation to go jump in bed with him but I refrained because I think he was talking to some girl. He claims he was talking to his Mom but at 2 in the morning, I highly doubt it!
B and Canadian go off to have some private time together and I’m left with Creep. He of course tries to kiss me and I tell him no. He then climbs into bed an says that if I’d like, I could get under the covers with him since the room was cold. I decline and sit firmly on the opposite bed. I don’t know why I didn’t get up right away and go back to the “open bar” but I stay because I was hoping that B would come back very soon. Creep I can tell is seething and shooting evil looks. For the first time I felt very uncertain and nervous being alone with a guy. But I take a few deep breaths because I know that Fort Lauderdale is in the next room and if Creep tried to do anything I could easily scream!
Creep starts asking me questions as to why I don’t want to make out with him. That he knows he’s not great looking but he has a huge penis and he could please me. I tell him that I’m not interested in him even if he has a gigantic penis.
I tell him that I want to go back to the “open bar”. Creep gets up because he has to take me back since I don’t know where it is in the hotel. We take the stairs, Creep leading the way, and every time we pass through a doorway, he lets the door slam in my face! He says he doesn’t keep doors open for girls because he’s a jerk… No kidding!
We get back to the “open bar” and come across two VERY large people having SEX! The occupant of the room where the “open bar” was created took back a very drunk girl and where else can he have sex but in his own room! Not really caring that people are walking back and forth through the bedroom to get into the living room area….
I stumble over several guys who are recording this sex act! I get to the living room and can’t help but laugh my head off at the whole scene, the whole night for that matter! Who would believe me that I walk in on two over weight people having sex, and it is not quiet sex either. Very loud and aggressive sex. WOW!
I sit, trying not to listen but there isn’t much else to do. The music can’t cover the noise and the other umpires and I just look at each other in astonishment and I am praying it will be over soon!
Finally it is over and the guy comes into the living room in just a towel. Not having a care in the world that we just witnessed him having sex. I have no idea what is going on with the girl. I think she is just laying in bed but then I hear that another guy has decided to try and put his moves on her! GROSS!!!!! I’ve heard of left overs but really! It hasn’t been even 5 minutes and another guy is already trying to get in. That is pathetic!
Thank goodness B comes back and I tell her we HAVE to leave because there isn’t much more I can take from being surrounded by these umpires in training!
We go back through the bedroom and the girl is sitting on the bed with her dress on trying to figure out what is going on. I doubt she knows that we all saw her have sex. I want to go over to her and tell her to get out of there but I just walk out. There really isn’t much I can do. The act was done and all I can do is try not to recall the images that keep popping into my head!
Oh umpires… Boys with an entire hotel at their disposal… Only girls around are those they meet in a bar… Drunks…
I have 2 more nights here and I’m pretty sure that I will run into these umpires again….