Have you ever wanted to beat up someone, oh let me rephrase that, have you ever wanted to hurt someone for emotionally hurting you? That’s how I felt after my ex broke me. I wanted to turn into a super bitch, rip off my clothes, turn black and gold and beat the crap out of him. How dare he break up with me! PUNCH! Me, someone destined for GREATNESS! How dare he say he didn’t love me anymore! KICK!! How dare he say can we be friends! SLAP!! How dare he shed a pretend tear! PUNCH! KICK SLAP! How dare he… Fall to the ground, but he did and my ego was forever altered.
Egos are a funny. They make you do great or stupid things. The dictionary lists ego as: 1 the self. 2 conceit
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. 3 the rational part of the mind that controls actions. Well that sounds about right.
1. Egos are about oneself. Myself, my ego is huge according to many. I think I’m great! Why wouldn’t someone want to be part of my world, why wouldn’t someone want to spend the rest of their life with me? Why would someone want to crush me and bring me down to reality? Why would someone reject me soooooo…. So CRUEL!!!! He did bring me back to reality. He in one swoop told me I was not great! BOOM!
2. Conceit: This I have difficulty with. Is it so wrong that I think highly of myself? Is it wrong that vanity plays a huge part of my life, when all around me it is about how you look, what you have and what you do for a living? I understand that being too conceited can be an issue but if you aren’t just a little bit conceited how do you set your standards and live your life? Maybe this was one of the reasons why he broke up with me, but then again I couldn’t have been too conceited to have gone out with him for all that time. I certainly did lower my standards to be with him…. SNAP!
3. the rational part of the mind that controls actions, shouldn’t that also say controls emotions too. Aren’t we ruled by our emotions? But if ego plays the rational part that controls actions how come we do irrational things when our egos are bruised? My ego was bruised. I was crying in a ball, wishing he would come back and everything could go back to the way it was…. The way it was? the way he wouldn’t call when he said he would. The way he would rather go to a party instead of coming to see me after I was in a horrible accident and my car was totaled. The way he would rather go out with his friends and then stay home, insisting we watch shark week (I’m scared of sharks!). In the end, deep down I knew it was over, that he was not “the one” for me but my ego didn’t want to let him go. Didn’t want to be rejected because that is what a break up really is, a rejection from the other person not wanting to be with you anymore. SNIFFLE…
My HUGE ego was brought down and as much as I wanted to chase after him saying come back!!! I stayed in my ball because as bruised as my ego was, I knew I deserved better and I vowed from that moment on I would never allow anyone to hurt me in such a manner again. I would never allow my ego to get bruised. That I would be in control of my emotions and the rational part of my mind would remain in control of my actions. HELL YEAH!!!
I vowed to listen to my instincts when it’s saying he’s not good enough for you and when people around have to keep asking why are you together, that is a sign to leave with ego completely intact. I vowed to save myself from dating guys that were bad or just bad dates. We’re going to SAVE THE WORLD ONE BAD DATE AT A TIME…..