Last night I did something pathetically lame…
I was feeling restless after the results of the election and decided to hop in my car.
To Irish Boy’s place.
I KNOW! I KNOW!!! WHY do I keep torturing myself with this jerk of a guy. Especially after last week when we were suppose to hang out and we never did and I haven’t heard from him, with this never ending circle that he and I seem to keep going around in…
I went over there because I had to know one way or another what was really happening between us. I had to hear him say he really wasn’t interested in me or that he wanted me. Yes, actions do speak louder than words but sometimes a girl needs to hear those words as well.
I drove there, speech prepared about what an asshole he is and I don’t know why I even bother. Like he is an itch I keep scratching and it is bleeding yet I still keep scratching it, even as my brain tells me to stop. He’s like a drug that I’m addicted to and can’t seem to break free. I want him to let me go because I can’t keep going on like this especially when I live and breath him it seems even though I get nothing in return with him. I know I’m sounding utterly pathetic especially when I’m trying to have the philosophy of let the guys woo you and chase, and wine and dine and here I am pratically throwing myself at Irish Boy!
A girl can have one sad, pathetic, insane, psycho boy crush, can’t she????
I drove around his place a few times, trying to see if he was home. I couldn’t tell from the street if the lights were on or not. Finally I parked my car and just walked up to his door. The lights were off but perhaps he was sleeping but it wasn’t late enough for him to be asleep.
I knocked… Waited… Knocked again which was pointless because of all the other times that I had shown up unannounced, he immediately opened the door and the lights were always on. No one was home.
I decided to sit and wait for him. Perhaps he was late getting home from work. Although I had no idea what time he usually comes home since his hours always varied. I moved my car to a safe location to wait. I didn’t want him to see my car right when he came home. I’m not THAT much of a stalker… BUT I was feeling very spy-esq with my hiding spot.
I sat and waited. I kept thinking to myself that I was being utterly ridiculous and extremely pathetic. But I sat there waiting still… My speech playing over and over in my head. Tweeking it here and there of course until I had everything in it’s rightful spot.
And of course while I sat there in my hiding spot, guess who texted message me, Philly Boy! He was checking in with me. AWWWW…. and UGH!!!! Here I am stalking, wanting one boy and I have a perfectly decent one, wanting me… The universe is very cruel at times…
After Philly Boy and I ended our texting conversation, I decided to leave my spot.
My speech would have to wait another time, if the time should ever arise
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. The funny thing is, I don’t even know if Irish Boy is even in town and I sat there waiting for him!
I need to kick this addiction or it’s going to kill me!