I had a quasi blind date tonight with Trainer Boy. I say quasi because I briefly met this guy on the street a few weeks back. I was saying Hi to my neighbor’s dog as he was walking by. He is my neighbor’s trainer. He asked her about me and wanted my number. A few weeks later here we are….
My neighbor said he is a really nice guy. He is a personal trainer but doesn’t own a car… (This brings back the question from PoF if you have a car!) I don’t want to be a snob about the no car thing, especially with gasoline prices being so high and insurance too but really? No car?! I agreed to go out with him but jokingly said he would have to rent a car to take me out because I did not plan on driving us…
I remembered that he was cute. A bit short but since he is a trainer, he would have a great body! He showed up in a grungy t-shirt, jeans and sneakers… UMMMM WHAT?!?! A Friday night and you show up looking like you’re ready to clean up my garage!!! I was wearing a bright pink dress and heels. I towered over him!
He suggested that we walk up the street to a restaurant he saw… Now normally I’m all for walking. BUT tonight I was put off because it wasn’t a nice night out and the fact that he only wanted to walk because he didn’t have a car but took the bus and the restaurant that he chose was the first restaurant he saw when he got off that bus! Already a bad start….
He made “reservations” for the restaurant an hour after the pick up date time. Did he think we were going to make out at my apartment for 50 minutes before heading to the restaurant that takes only 8 minutes to walk to, he timed it… I told him we could go early.
I tried to make small talk but I was distracted. I kept think about Irish boy and even Skipper! We did that same walk up the street but it didn’t feel right. Trainer boy was not considerate on the road. He walked in front of me when the path narrowed, didn’t slow down or wait for me to catch up and let bushes attack me instead of holding branches back.
We arrived at the restaurant and I was disgusted at what he chose. He picked the mexican cantina that was underneath my local bar for our date! HELLO! EXCUSE ME? WHAT?!?!?! This cantina is only good for taco tuesdays, hanging out with friends or a late night drunk eat snack kind of place…. NOT for a DATE!
I prayed I wouldn’t run into anyone I knew….
He asked the hostess to sit us in a booth with a TV! OH GOD!! I should have walked away right then and there…. Isn’t this what I have been preaching to everyone to just get up and walk away….. BUT I stayed! I don’t know why!
I know why I stayed because he told me the most FANTASTICALY story EVER!!!!!
He was in the army but had to be honorably discharged due to a medicaly disorder he had.
Me: What is this disorder?
TB: Oh I don’t really want to say…
TB: I have this condition…. I can’t believe I’m about to tell you this…
TB: I have Priapism…
Me: WHAT? (shocked, confused look on my face and curious too!)
TB: It’s ummm.. I condition where… I have an erection for like 24 hours….
Me: WHAT?!?!?! You’ve got to be kidding me!!!!! (I’m trying very hard not to laugh…)
TB: I’m like 1 in a billion that have this…
Me: OH REALLY?!?! (still straight face)
TB: Yeah and I have to stick a GIANT needle in my penis every morning to make it go away….
Me: You have to what? How big is this needle? How do you stick it? Does it hurt? Every morning?
TB: Every morning. VERY big needle. I hate needles and I have to actually psych myself up to actually stick my penis…
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. I can’t believe I just told you that, especially on a first date….
Me: I can’t believe you told me that either…. (take a big gulp of my cocktail)
How do you top a story where you tell a girl you have priapism? By telling me he sleeps with a knife under his pillow and DO NOT wake him up because he wakes up kicking and punching… I guess waking up to a blow job is out of the question!
Yea… Soooo…. CHECK PLEASE!
He walked me home. I couldn’t get the key in the door fast enough! I thanked him for dinner, closed and locked the door immediately!
Why do you tell a girl on the first date that you have priapism???? I had no idea what that was, I thought he was lying to get me into bed. I actually looked it up and it does truly exist! BUT WHY tell a girl this on the first date?!?!?! I DO NOT NEED TO KNOW!!!! Although thinking now, I’m actually curious to see him stick the needle in his penis… I wonder after he has an orgasm, does he still have to stick the needle because according to WebMD, the erection doesn’t go away even after climax.
DAMMIT! Maybe I should call him back and ask him all these questions! Of course while he was telling me this, all I wanted to do was run away…
Oh well… I’ll just read up from WebMD about this disorder so if he does ask me out on another date, and I say yes, I can drill him on the specifics of his condition!
Ok I won’t be going out on another date with him…
I think I’ll stay curled up on my couch until tomorrow night… Fantasy world here I come!