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After my weekend of destruction and watching Monday Night Football with some friends, I decided to confront my questions and get some answers from Irish Boy.
I knew I was going down a path that seemed crazy psycho girl but I had already begun walking and couldn’t stop running once I started…
I went over to Irish Boy’s place… AGAIN! Unannounced.
Knock… Knock… I could feel a cold sweat on the back of my neck…
The door opens and a surprised, shocked face comes to view.
“Hi! Come on in!”
I stood in his place, VERY nervous, EXTREMELY awkward…
“I’m not sure why I’m here…”
“I didn’t think I would ever see you again.”
“Neither did I… But I had to get answers and here I am…”
“What do you want to know?”
“Why did you lie? If you didn’t want to go out that night, why didn’t you just cancel? If you had other plans, seeing another girl, you should have just said so…”
“I missed my flight. I didn’t make it to the airport. Came back and my co worker came over to work.”
“Why didn’t you call me?”
“I didn’t think you’d believe me. Figured you would think I was blowing you off again.”
“Why didn’t you call me after you got my message? Why didn’t you pick up the phone when I was standing outside?”
“I didn’t get your calls. And when I heard your message, I didn’t think there would be a point., You made up your mind about me. I had a feeling you would come over.”
“I was going to knock but I didn’t want to hurt the girl you were with.”
“If you knocked, you would have seen us sitting with our laptops working, eating hot wings. I would have loved for you to have knocked. That would have been an interesting scene.”
“Yes, she drove me to the airport and when I didn’t make it, we came back here to work for a bit and then she left and I went to sleep.”
“I heard her leave and was going to knock but didn’t see your lights on and thought you went home with her.”
“No, I went to bed.”
“Now what? I obviously have trust issues!”
“I still want to see you and think you are sweet and brave person for coming over and confronting me.”
“I just wanted answers.”
“This is me. I work 24 hours a day. I’m not doing anything devious. If I didn’t want to see you, I would tell you. I don’t have time for bullshit. I missed my flight and should have called you but didn’t think you would believe me after all the other times.”
“You should have called…”
“I suck at communication. Why do you think I’m divorced.”
“I have a few reasons…”
“I’m glad you came over…”
I’d like to say that I spend the night and we will live happily ever after BUT that chapter is yet to be written!
I did stay another hour. We talked a little bit more. I want to believe him. I may be a fool but I’m going to tread lightly here. You are probably screaming at me for believing him. I’m not completely convinced. Yes, he had a girl over. I don’t know if it was a date or his coworker but I heard that night was not a date, unless the girl enjoys watching sports, sitting on his couch, eating take out as a date….
When I came over to confront him, he wasn’t mad or accuse me of being crazy or ask me why I was there. He welcomed me in and listened to me and explained himself.
This may come back to bite me in the ass but I can’t quite let him, this adventure go yet. I have to see where it leads, even if I end up going off a cliff or reach a dead end. I have to see it go as far as I can because I have never had these intense feelings before.
It would be great if he told me he didn’t want to see me anymore and I can start the healing and closure, which I know sounds ridiculous because we haven’t been ‘together’ for long or had much of anything together.
It definitely is the promises of what we could be that keeps me going…
I’m doing this because I don’t want to regret. I want to give it my all and if I get hurt and break a nail in the process then I know I tried…
One day I will wake up either crazy or come to the realization that I wasted my time and energy on him but until then I will keep on this ADVENTURE….