When my EX broke up with me, I was in the depths of despair. I only left my apartment to go to work. Other then that, I curled under my covers and wallowed… That lasted about a week before my friends pulled me out of my hole. One friend, in particular, we’ll call him Dakota, he was instrumental to helping in my grieving.
He kept inviting me over to his house to hang out with his roommates. We started having movie nights. Everyone would bring a dish and we’d pick a movie. It was quite fun.
Now Dakota and I had been friends for many moons. A little attraction on our part but nothing ever came about it. To say I was confused during my whole recovery is an understatement. The more Dakota and I hung out, the more I started to wonder if the feelings I was having, really was due to him, or the longing to be with someone again…
My sister had also know Dakota, but took no interest in him until I started to hang out with him more…
She was aware of my new feelings, confusion and indecisiveness.
I left for a week to see the wilderness of Alaska and when I came back, it seemed my sister and Dakota were hanging out in my absence. How she got his number, it wasn’t from me… Seems the last time we had dinner, we meaning, my mother, her, him and I, she sneakily asked for his number while I was in the bathroom…
I know how this may seem, why would I care if she was hanging out with him, it’s all because once again, here she is, hanging out with another guy that I started having feelings for, even if I wasn’t quite sure what those feelings were.
But it wasn’t them hanging out that truly bothered me, it was her sneaking around behind my back that once more nailed the coffin.
I found out Dakota and my sister were hanging out while I was in Alaska, when she handed back a book of mine that I had loaned Dakota. I asked her how she had the book and she started to stuttered. She tried to worm her way around from giving me a direct answer but I started to put two and two together. But why give me back the book, why not wait until the next time they hung out, it was as though she wanted to slap me in the face with that book!
She claimed that she knew I wouldn’t like her hanging out with him, so she didn’t tell me! WHAT!!!! She knew that I wouldn’t like her hanging out with another guy that I had feelings for… BUT she decided to still see him behind my back… She knew that I was confused with my feelings for him and used that against me. She said, I was using Dakota and kept him at arms length.
WOW! WHAT A SISTER! Knowing, that I didn’t want her doing something, made her want to do it even more… BUT she’s my older sister! She’s suppose to be looking out for me, protecting me, showing me the ways of the world. Only I see treachery, back stabbing, lying, cheating and manipulation…
My sister called Dakota to warn him of my outburst, what did he do? Immediately call me to explain the situation. He didn’t know that I had no idea about their hanging out. I asked him why he would hang out with her, knowing how I felt about her and all that she had done to me, he said, she kept calling and he figured why not hang out…
BOYS! I suppose if he truly liked me but I didn’t return those feelings, the next best thing is to hang out with my sister????
I decided that I couldn’t have my sister in my life any more. She never had my interest in mind. She did what she wanted regardless of the consequences, regardless of who she hurt. It felt as though she was on a mission to try and take every guy I was interested in, like it was an ego booster, a confidence builder to “steal” one of my guys!
I immediately unfriended her from facebook, I actually said, I “DeFaced” her. And that’s how she is referred to now, to my whole inner circle…
When I defaced her from facebook, she took to her work clients and tried to turn them against me. The work environment started to become very hostile. The energy was horrible. Her clients would give me evil looks. They heard her lies, of how I was jealous of the fact that she and Dakota were hanging out, that I was jealous of her, that I was very narcissistic and that I was insecure!
I wasn’t jealous of her hanging out with Dakota, I was upset of how she went about hanging out with him, knowing I wouldn’t actually like it, especially since I wasn’t sure of my feelings for him. What person deliberately goes behind someone’s back to hang out with that someone else’s potential love interest? My sister, that’s who!
I told her, flat out that I didn’t trust her, I wanted nothing to do with her, wanted her out of my life… But since she is my sister, I can’t completely have her out of my life, but I certain can choose not to include her.
My mother, this whole time, was besides herself. She didn’t like how her children were constantly fighting with one another. But my mother did something that no mother should ever do, she chose a side. Defaced’s side. I wonder if it was because she was trying to protect the weaker of the siblings. Trying to compensate for the fact that the other sisters also didn’t care for Defaced. I wasn’t the only one that had issues with Defaced. My other 2 sisters, had similar clashes, although since they were older, they never had to deal with Defaced trying to steal their guys…
After what Defaced did with Dakota, I never spoke to her again. She after months of frostiness, decided to go on a “vacation” to France. She hasn’t come back, that was over 2 years ago. My brothers don’t understand why I am unable to forgive and move on from all that Defaced has done, but they don’t know the extent of her betrayal, her deceit. She has spun her lies and they have been caught up in her web. My sisters and I stand true and have nothing to do with her. We know she can never be trusted and keep her out of our lives.
Trust is difficult. We are all constantly tested. It’s a lesson we all must learn. I’m tested every day with my trust
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. Who to believe, who to place our faith in, who to trust, who to love. But how can I trust when the people I’m initially, born to instantly trust, betray it, what do you do?
I think this is why I have difficulty letting go and trust. Why I have so many walls up. The people that share my blood, can so easily stab me in the back and twist it, in such a way that rendered’s it nearly impossible to pull it out.
But I’m making peace with that knife. It’s a reminder to me to always watch out, no matter who’s around because you never know who’s going to push the knife in deeper.